Perhaps you are familiar with the opening line from the famous 1961 British poem, Warning, by Jenny Joseph that declares, “When I’m an old woman, I shall wear purple….”
When I first encountered it, I remember chuckling at its cheeky humor, but over time, its message rattled me. Was this suggesting that I had to wait to be an old woman in order to be finally freed from my adherence to or my rebellion against cultural norms? Whose rules were they anyway?
In time, I came to realize that external factors were not the only sources of measurement against how I evaluated my life. I had plenty of internal yardsticks that affected what I thought my choices were, and suppressed my own agency to act in alignment with my personal calling.
Of course, we all have an internal measuring system. It is called the inner critic. I remember a late-night show interview with a young box-office star. When asked about her experience in a top-grossing movie, she replied with great enthusiasm for the cast and director. There was just one caveat. The casting, she emphasized, was perfect except for one person—-her. Before the show’s host managed to change the subject, she denigrated herself with a conviction that she was unsuitable as an actress, and that her performance had been unworthy of such acclaim. Clearly, one’s outward-facing profile is irrelevant to the inner critic’s impact.
The inner critic also gets projected onto others and is a fundamental source of great personal and collective pain. If we are to fully offer our gifts, support well-being in ourselves and others, it is necessary to be able to notice how this part of the personality shows up in us, disengage from it, and compassionately inquire into our deeper truth. In effect, we can change our relationship to it.
And, as we change our relationship to the inner critic, we change our relationship to everything.
With beauty, kindness and love,
Roxanne
Pause and Discern:
Coaching for Compassionate Truth Underneath the Inner Critic
July 11th:
8:30-10:00 PDT/9:30-11:00 MDT/10:30-noon CDT/11:30-1:00 EDT
Whether or not we are professional coaches, many of us use a coaching orientation in our roles as leaders, mentors, teachers, and parents as we support others in their growth.
The change process in coaching guarantees the inner critic will be activated.
Join us as we build a container to identify the signs that the inner critic is present and support our clients to relax their attachment to this false story. We shine light on what feeds the inner critic activity, our relationship to the inner critic and build our capacity to dis-identify with it. Together, we emerge with a heightened sensitivity of how to better support our clients. Marcia Hyatt and Roxanne Howe-Murphy facilitate this Deep Living Lab offering.
To contact Roxanne, please find contact info at RoxanneHoweMurphy.com